My Mom's Christmas Party

My mother invited me and my sister to her company Christmas party. She works at a nursing home, technically "assisted living". We were her dates. I should have known what we were in for when we all showed up wearing the same outfits. Do the words "turn back now" mean anything to you? We ended up finding a table right in the middle of the room. We were joined by my mom's friend Miss Louise. She immediately noticed we were all dressed alike and pulled her skirt just about over her head to show us that she also had red on. It was a Christmas party, about 95% of the people had on something red. Thank you for the display, Miss Louise. You would think seeing a 79 year old woman's underwear at a buffet would be enough for one evening, but not for us. They announced that they would be having a couple of door prizes later on in the evening. Everyone was given 4 tickets. You were supposed to drop a ticket in the bucket of the prize you wanted to win. So we're taking our time and picking out our prizes, really good prizes. Gift certificates to restaurants, and Best Buy, and grocery stores etc. The very first question I asked the ladies giving out the tickets was "Do you have to be an employee to win a door prize"? Absolutely not. So we dropped our tickets. We go back to the table and I soon realize my sister and I are there only to wait on my mom and Miss Louise. "Get me anything on the buffet, I love everything". "What is this? What's that? I hate that, they didn't have anything else?" . So finally we make them happy and it's door prize time. A lady with a microphone picks the first number, complete silence .....Bob Smith! The entire room erupts in applause and everybody's yelling..yea Bob woo hoo! Bob comes up, life is good for Bob. Bob picks the next name.....Betty Jones! Again thunderous applause...go Betty!!! Betty is excited! Betty picks the next ticket. I should have known when microphone lady screwed up her face and showed Betty and Bob the ticket. Microphone lady says very seriously....Karen...Hev..er..sham, Hiver..hoosen,...Hee..ver...hiser? I looked at my sister completely panic stricken. "Do you think it's me". Now remember when the crowd thunderously applauded for Betty and Bob? . Yea, not really happening now. Someone did yell from the back that apparantly Karen Hiverhoosen has already left the party. So my sister yells to the lady that she thinks the ticket is mine. Remember when you were 7 and you and your sister would start slapping each other and saying "no, you do it, no you do it". That's what we did. Finally my sister made me stand up and claim the ticket. I started to walk up the completely silent aisle, got about 20 feet before I realized something was slowing me down. I had my purse handle wrapped around my ankle and I had spilled the entire contents of my purse up the aisle. I shook the purse off and continued on. I get there and microphone lady shows me the ticket and for reasons still unknown to me, I claim it. This is where it gets a litle blurry because microphone lady says "are you an employee"? . I shook my head no, and she says "you can't win". The next thing I know she has picked another ticket and again the thunderous applause. I turned around, walked back, stopping only to pick up the contents of my purse, and what's left of my pride. My sister looks at me and says "if they call my name, I'm not going up there, that was brutal". I nod with the blank stare only shared by those who have experienced something truly awful. I would have wallowed in self pity awhile longer had Miss Louise not sent me for yet another plate of things she can't recognize or doesn't like.