My Jobs

At the beginning of every school year for some reason I start thinking about working. My kids are in school all day and I always rehash whether or not to get a “real job” By real job I mean something that pays more than ……nothing. This is always a fleeting thought as I will soon be busy with all of my school-volunteering duties, as well as homework etc. I gotta have time to make the complete solar system out of pom poms and glitter. So as school is starting I was thinking about some of the jobs I have had. I started with the usual babysitting. One year I went with a family to Ocean City. They went out for the evening and I stayed at the hotel with the baby. I put the baby on cushions on the floor and we both went to sleep. I woke up some time later and had that where am I? Feeling. I figured out where I was but I had that feeling like I was missing something. Hmmm….than I looked down because I realized I was standing on something squishy. No, not the baby…baby? Where was that baby? I knew I left her here….seriously, where is the baby? I started freaking out looking all over the place. Great, they’re never gonna give me a good recommendation if I lose their baby. I’ve never actually lost someone’s baby but I’m guessing they’re gonna be mad. Oh, never mind, there she is, she rolled under the bed. OK, I feel better. Baby found, good recommendation secured. My second paying job was at a buffet. Ooh, just thinking about it makes me gag. I got the job with my 3 best friends. It was the only thing we could do together and we didn’t have to be 16 yet. I started in June. By mid-July I had seen enough. One time the fire department had to come and cut a woman out of a booth. She came at breakfast and by dinner, she was stuck. The Jaws of Life, not just for horrible car accidents anymore. We had 2 regular customers that had to come and go by the loading dock. I wish I was making this up. So for about 6 weeks I bussed tables. Then I was done. I was really nervous about quitting. My mother talked me through the whole thing. Again I’m thinking about not burning any bridges in the food industry. I worked up the nerve to approach the manager. Ummmm, Steve, could I talk to you after work today? He’s like, talk to me now. Oh, ummmm well, ummmm I was ummmm wanting to give my 2 weeks notice tonight ummmmm because I ummm… Steve looks up from what he’s doing and stops me mid-sentence. You can leave now. I continue…I don’t want to leave you without help…and ….Steve says again, you can leave now, turn in your apron. My mom said that if you need…..what’s that? Leave now? But, I’m a valuable asset to the Horn and Horn family buffet…Steve was done. He moved on, and right in front of me gave someone else my station. I left. I forgot to turn in my apron. You never know when you’ll need a red nylon filthy grease covered apron. The next job I got was kind of cool. My mother worked for a local television station. They did a live children’s show in the afternoons. It took place on a boat. It was run by “Captain Chesapeake.” He had a fan club and everything. My mother tricked me into auditioning. I went to her work one day after school. I liked to hang out there and wait for her to get off work. One day she said they were looking for a new kid to stand next to the “captain” and read the kid’s letters and tell jokes and generally be the captain’s sidekick. I was like… no way! She basically made me do it. So I go and audition. Come to find out, it’s live and I was actually “on the air.” So long story short, I agree to do it. It actually turned out to be a lot of fun. One of the props was a lion puppet, a really old lion puppet that the captain and I talked to. My job was to put the stuffing back in his nose before we started each day. I was very important. But man, was I a geek. I only watched the show one time from my house. My sister and I laughed so hard we were crying. I had no idea what to do with my hands. In my pockets, out of my pockets, on my hips, by my side….I was a mess. I also was very aware that I was not supposed to look at the camera so I did this shifty, eye-moving thing. I would look at the captain, look to the left, look to the right. Look right at the camera and than realize I was looking at the camera and quickly look away. Several times I accidentally wore the same color as the “blue screen” that was behind us. Remember we’re supposed to be on a boat, so I had the Chesapeake Bay running through the middle of my torso. Than later as I introduced the cartoons I had the Flintstones running on me. Geek. I did it for 2 years. I gave up all that glory….yeah right, to work in the film room. My job was to time and edit all the cartoons, movies etc. These were the big reel to reel jobs. No Beta or VHS here. So one day I’m in the film room and they realized that the one o’clock movie is running long. So they bring me this enormous reel to edit. Take 20 minutes out, and hurry because the other reel has already started. OK well, I was just going to lunch. Hellooo? Lunchtime. So I took out 20 minutes. Right out of the middle of the movie. I didn’t look at it. I didn’t find the best spot to fade to commercial. I just put it on the cutting machine, and snipped out 20 minutes from the middle. 20 minutes from the middle. I still remember the movie was “Red River Valley.” Never seen it…. The worst part is, I didn’t even save the 20 minutes to be put back in. I just threw it away… glued the two ends of film together, gave it to the control room, and went to lunch. They started getting calls around 2:00. The calls went on for hours…..actually days. People took their one o’clock movie very seriously. Apparently, the middle 20 minutes of “Red River Valley” were important to the story line. Huh, who’d a thought? Soon VHS came into fashion, the station got sold to a big company and my job was phased out. So as another school year begins, I begin to wonder about getting a paying job. I’ll just remember that I can misplace a kid, clean up dishes, stuff things into people’s noses and ruin valuable items right here. Free of charge. With people I love. They haven’t told me to turn in my apron yet or phased me out. If they ever do, I just hope they give me a good recommendation.