Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Flaming Blue Squirrel

We bought a bird feeder. We’ve never had one. We have such beautiful birds stop by in our front yard. I thought I would buy a feeder so the beautiful birds would stop by and stay awhile. It would be peaceful and tranquil, like a postcard really. But than I remembered that it’s US I’m talking about. I put the bright yellow bird feeder on our porch post. No one visited. I was beginning to think it could be the 120 lb dog sitting in the window with a knife and fork that was discouraging them. So I moved it across the yard to the fence post. I don’t want to put it far out in the yard because the point was to actually see them come. It’s supposed to be tranquil and sweet…like a postcard!! Where are the birds? Why aren’t they coming? I don’t know, could it possibly be the psychotic circus squirrels keeping them away? Gee, I don’t know, lets watch. Two minutes after I put it on the fence post, I see them. They’re acting all, like they don’t know about the food. We’re just passing through, hey, what’s that? I don’t have any idea, lets take a look, maybe we can help. You know what squirrels? We are way onto you. You’re all like, look at my bushy tail….watch me run around the tree..blah blah blah,. Lets just get it out there, you’re rodents. So within two minutes they have formulated a plan. Shimmy up the fence post and take one piece of food and leave the rest for a friend. Yeah, no. Their plan was to shimmy up the post, throw themselves headlong into the feeder. Knock it to the ground, spilling it everywhere and than shoving as much as they can in their little furry faces and running away…laughing. I didn’t actually hear them laughing but I know they were, they always are. Well, birdfeeder squirrels may be laughing. But there’s one breed of squirrel not laughing quite so hard. That would be the elusive, Flaming Blue Squirrel. It’s a rare breed. I think it’s birdfeeder squirrels gone mad. You know you start out digging through some plants, you pick in a couple trashcans, you rip off a couple of birdfeeders but you want more. It used to be so fulfilling, it used to be enough. But not anymore. The pole is calling out to them man, they gotta have the rush. Everybody’s doing it. What are ya squirrel? Yella? Chicken? Can’t go the distance? Oh sure, you got nerves of steel when your strong-arming a hummingbird out of a sunflower seed. You need to go for the pole man, show us what you got. They crack under the pressure. They go for the pole. The telephone pole that is. Well, we call then telephone poles but actually they do so much more. They hold all the wires for the entire block. Telephone, cable, and that really big thick one…now what is that called..hmmmm, oh yea, the electric wire. It’s really thick, easy to walk on, only a scaredy squirrel wouldn’t walk on that one! So they go for it. They go for the pole. You ever hear “pride goeth before the fall” yeah, that would be about right. The first time we just heard a tremendous thunderous explosion and all the electricity went out. We were new to the area, we had no idea what had happened. We heard rumors of squirrel activity but you want to think it’s not happening in your neighborhood. The next time, we heard the telltale explosion, it was dark out and I looked out the window just in time to see a blue flame shoot into the air and fall to the ground. Again the repairman came. Again squirrel talk. Third time. Explosion. This time we ran to the window just in time to see…..a flaming blue squirrel. It was a bright blue ball of ….flaming squirrel. This time, we had to see it. We cautiously walked over and there he was. Except for the fact that he was very obviously on fire, he was perfectly intact. The flame blew out quickly, quite similar to a pilot light actually. It reminded me of when I was growing up and we had to light our gas oven every day. The only thing unique about him was the expression on his little face. It can only be described as…. complete surprise. He was probably all like, I’ll show those guys who’s chicken, I’ll own this pole, birdfeeders? That’s baby stuff, I’m doing the pole man I’m king of the…..KABOOM!!. We had four such incidences before one of the repairmen offered us a squirrel guard for the pole. It’s all the thrill of climbing the pole without that pesky catching on fire thing. Not quite as fun as watching that lady pick up her bright yellow bird feeder off the ground everyday. But it’ll do for now.

RIP- Nuttles, Fluffy, Spanky and Chuck

12 Comments:

At 9:19 AM, Blogger Abby Cannon said...

Oh my!

Squirrels actually can be nice, ya know. They're not my preference, but my mom on the other hand is the "Snow White" of her neighborhood. She feeds the squirrels and birds every morning and they keep coming back. Personally, they creep me out a little too much. I'd actually rather see them fall, on fire, from an electric wire...

I need a little bit more of that "snow white" spirit in me...

 
At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I look at my bloglines (thanks Laurie) and see that there's a new post. I shout "Matt, it's a new Karen Hevesy post!" He immediately stops what he's doing and says "Flaming Blue Squirrel?! Read it! Read it!"

Thanks for the fun!
2 of your Knoxville fans.

 
At 10:23 PM, Blogger Danielle said...

Our squirrels aren't nearly as disturbing. They mainly make our cat go mental, since she can't get to them. They tease her through the window pane, while she stares at them.

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger Zoanna said...

Oh, that's just morbid! You find that Funny? And I thought you were my friend. I love to watch squirrels on our deck . They are especially adorable when they stop to scratch their cute little ears or wash their faces with their cute little hands.

 
At 7:32 AM, Blogger Karen Hevesy said...

Just so everyone is reassured, I do not encourage the squirrels to climb the pole. I don't cheer them on. The electric compamy makes squirrel guards because this is a widespread problem, it doesn't just happen here. I also do not hate the squirrels, we actually feed them often. This was merely a humorous take on a situation. Sorry if I have offended anyone.

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger Zoanna said...

Actually, as much as I like squirrels, I truly did see the humor in your little anecdote. I don't get all wigged out about dead ones in the road (unless they're still twitching from a recent hit 'n run. My take on it is "as rodents go, they are the best, but they are still rodents." They don't rank up there too high on my list of Critters to Go to Heroic Measures For.

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

Very funny girly. A little dark, but funny none the less.

 
At 3:24 PM, Blogger Beth Young said...

I thought it was hysterical!

Abby, what's this animosity you have towards animals? I will figure it out one day, but until then, I'll assume that you were, in your past life, a gorgeous Elm tree. A gorgeous Elm that squirrels and dogs peed on. (hence, your anger towards dogs and squirrels.)

 
At 9:23 AM, Blogger Annette said...

oh my....what a hoot to read! :) thanks for the laughter.

 
At 12:43 PM, Blogger karen! said...

Oh, that was a great story! I couldn't imagine what flaming blue squirrel meant, but now I know.
I think they are cute. I like cute rodents.
I think I will add you to my list of other Karen's on my side bar.
K?

 
At 9:57 PM, Blogger Suzanne said...

I am begging for Laurie's sake - please tell us about your near death experience.

 
At 9:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's funny. I like the title "Flaming Blue Squirrel"! We have some squirels who jump, a flying leap sometimes, from our deck or another nearby place to our birdfeeder.

 

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