Under Pressure

Have you ever noticed when you try to be quiet or lay low in a situation, the louder you are? You haven't noticed that? Maybe it's just me. I unfortunately have a history of making things worse. No matter how hard I try to fade into the background, it never seems to work out for me that way. When I was little I remember two such occassions. There are more, but this isn't a novel. One time at the grocery store I knocked over oh, about 50 metal garbage can lids. The lids started to slide and there was no place to hide. Do you have any idea how loud 50 metal trashcan lids sound when they hit linoleum? I do. Not everyone can say that. I also know that you shouldn't climb up on a bathing suit display in a very quiet ladies clothing store. No matter how sturdy those racks look...they're not. At all. 100 bathing suits do not make alot of noise when they hit the ground, but your mom will. Especially, if it was like a week after the trashcan incident. I was just trying to stay out of the way. When I was in high school I worked at a television station. I was very aware that I was the only "kid" there. For some reason, the owner, who was a very nice man, made me really nervous. This is the worst kind of situation for me. Nervous=stupid. Enough said. So I would be all cool and having fun and than the owner would come to the building. I would do anything to avoid having to talk to him. Oh and one more thing when I am nervous, I turn all red and blotchy. Very nice quality to have. Really, it's fun. So one day I'm walking down the hall and he's coming towards me. I'm immmediately looking for an escape route. he does the worst possible thing. He talks to me. I have no idea what he said but I dropped whatever I had in my hand. I know..I'm an idiot. So when I bend down to pick it up I didn't realize that I had a shirt pocket full of change. So I bend over and change starts rolling all over the floor, I bend over to pick it up and more falls, I bend over and try to pick it up and drop what was in my hand. I start to giggle and I'm blood red and by now I'm sweating. Well, needless to say, he mumbled something and got away from me as fast as he could. He left me in the hall chasing my change. He pretty much gave me the polite nod in the hall from than on. And trust me, that was just fine with me. You're thinking, that's a once in a lifetime moment..uh, yea, no. About three years ago I got the awesome opportunity to be in the delivery room while my friend had a baby. There were four of us, and her husband. We had a great time. We were there all day. We had gotten sandwiches, and snacks and sodas. It was a big party. We figured the baby was coming when she no longer found us amusing. The second clue came when she had a rag over her eyes, and I changed the TV channel and she screamed I WAS WATCHING THAT!!! We knew the baby was coming...soon. We started to panic wondering if the doctor was going to make us leave. So...we decide to clean up the room and try to make ourselves scarce. Maybe he won't notice 4 extra people in the room. This is perhaps the worst situation to put me in. So I start to clean up trash and just as I bend down to pick up my purse, the doctor came in....and the box of candy in my shirt pocket...emptied. All over the floor. Because the important thing is not to let him notice us. Hundreds of little teeny tiny brightly colored hard candies, bouncing all over the room. There was no picking these up, of course I tried which made it much...much worse. I couldn't have gotten the Junior Mints, they would have landed silently..had to get the jumbo box of Nerds. We decided to just kick the Nerds under the furniture , the doctor never said a thing. Of course, the cleaning crew was probably a little curious. So the moral is, if you have a stressful situation and you want someone to stay calm cool and collected....yea, can't help ya. I may on the other hand make it memorable ....are nightmares considered memorable?