Monday, May 23, 2005

Fish Oil Capsules

My husband and I were fortunate enough to be a part of a leadership retreat for our church. There were lots of teachings and worship and prayer. I certainly felt as if the work of God was getting done. Well, as with all retreats there is some "down time". We gathered in one of the hotel rooms to hang out, watch a little of the World Series and eat some licorice. So we're hanging and the crowd starts to thin a little as the clock approaches midnight. We dwindled to 5 hearty souls determined not to waste the time away from the cares of home. I don't know if you've ever gotten up really early and stayed up way past the point of being able to make reasonable choices but as you'll see in a minute, I have. The fateful moment began when someone used the bathroom. He comes out of the bathroom with what appeared to be a 2 liter bottle of something. I was a little confused as to how something that big would be coming out of a bathroom. As it turns out, the very defensive owner claimed it and said it was fish oil capsules. Like 1000 of them! Now, you say "what is so unusual about that, lots of people take them". Yes, sounds normal, but lets take a closer look. First of all the person had flown to the retreat. This thing wouldn't even fit as a carry on! This baby needed its own ticket! It was a 3 day trip, 1000 pills? Do the words "travel size " mean anything to you?Somewhere there's a poodle that couldn't fly that day because the plane was overweight. We're talking the mother of all medicine bottles. So as the participants of any church retreat would do, we started to make fun of the jumbo bottle. She defended herself by saying "I don't even like them, I stopped taking them awhile ago". Yea, I want her to be my lawyer. I'm traveling with a .0002 ounce tube of toothpaste and she's taking the freight elevator to heft these pills, she doesn't even take anymore. Well, making fun of the "jug o pills" maxed out after about an hour. I was very curious about them and why someone would want to purposely put fish oil into their bodies. I asked several times "is it really fish oil? do you think it is really fish oil? do you think they smell like fish? were any real fish harmed in the making of the capsules?". Ok , this went on for an hour. The answers came back repeatedly, "No, it's not real fish oil, it doesn't smell like fish, no fish were harmed in the making of the capsules." my personal favorite, "It's a derivative of fish oil". I'm by nature a very trusting person, did I mention that? The typeset on the bottle was about 24pt. If there was any indication it was real fish, it would be noticeable. Did I also mention my reasoning skills are diminished fractionally each hour I stay up past 9:00?. We were well into 1:00 by now. So when I tell you I thought it was a good idea to open one of the capsules you'll understand, or at least feel sorry for me. I started out by trying to break it in half. There are airplane parts not made as durable. I squeezed it, stepped on it and twisted it. I resorted to cutting it with a knife. Not even a scratch. The whole time I'm totally believing what my "friends"are telling me. Remember, "no fish are harmed in the making of these capsules". Hey, I've got a great idea, I'll bite it. No one stopped me. Where is the love? It probably took 1/100th of a second to realize I had just had a really bad idea and it unfolded in slow motion. Remember the black and white film of the man getting hit in the stomach with a cannonball? Every second of the horrible incident was vivid. First perhaps the smell followed quickly by the taste. I might as well have picked a rotting fish off the beach, tore a piece off and put a pinch between my cheek and gum. For a little capsule it packed quite a punch. The entire room smelled, not to mention my fish oil covered teeth. Seriously funky. I was still burping fish oil 3 days later. Good, special memories, with special friends. You don't get those kind of memories on any Hallmark commercial I've ever seen.